Oh College!

today i remember just how easily life distracts me. senior year was a mess and full of distractions. i was constantly thinking about my issues or worrying about friends, but i didn't realize how much it distracted me because school was basically a joke. i never felt the need to concentrate on school work so i didn't realize when i was distracted by it. well now i am in college, and surprise i need to concentrate. sadly, i am finding it rather impossible. i had noticed it the past few weeks but especially so today. i am attempting to study for a test that i didn't even know we had and i cant seem to comprehend anything the book says because i am so distracted. life has certainly gotten to me since i have been here. kobal put it as "the devil has had a field day with you." it is true sadly. i have let every obstacle thrown my direction win. and today is one of those days. life, and its problems, are always going to be here, so i need to learn how to deal with them and manage my school work at the same time. it should be an interesting lesson for me to learn. wish me luck! :)

i decided it was going to be a brilliant idea for me to plan out my next 5 and a half years of school... wrong! i did it and very quickly realized it is impossible for me to minor. its disappointing but its not a huge deal, i kinda expected it. once i mapped out my next 3 and a half years here at OBU for nursing school i moved on to graduate school. i couldn't do much there because i have yet to look too much into it, and where i go get my masters will probably depend on where i get a job and will be living when i graduate here. most hospitals these days pay for nurses to go back to school. so then i looked back over my classes at OBU. i almost cried. i have to take 18 hours next semester (and 2 labs). these are tough classes too: Chemistry, Anatomy, College Algebra, Spanish, an activity class and English. i was in total freak out mode then i called my dad. surprisingly he was the most comforting of all people to talk to. i decided to take J-term this year. it means my Christmas break is cut short and i only have about 4 days in Houston, but then i will only have 15 hours next semester! it sucks sure, but its the best possible scenario for my mental health ;)! haha.

in all of this i actually felt like myself for the first time in a long time. i was a wreck and completely freaking out and stressed and sick from it... but thats me! it was normal. oh college. ha. as bad as i stressed, i am glad i did this planning! ha. i am somewhat questioning what i got myself into in regards to being a nursing major, but i am just praying God sees me through.

please pray for me if you can :)

And So it Begins

Most People are probably used to hearing me say the phrase "don't judge me." Well, i am changing it a little bit here. Go ahead and judge me if you feel the need because i have given in and here i am, blogging. Oh my. I usually don't do this and i usually hate people knowing what is going on inside my head, but i have been feeling the need to write about things lately, and i don't plan on being super open over the internet so i think i am good for now. 

Well i must say college is not what i thought it would be at all. In ways i love it. In many more ways i absolutely hate it. I am pretty sure that much of what i hate will fade soon, at least i pray that it will. I have yet to make any friends. That certainly surprised me. I knew i could be somewhat shy and reserved at times, but i didn't really think i would be that way now. About half way through my junior year i was much less concerned about what other people thought about me, and in that became much more outgoing. That only increased once i hit senior year. In my head i knew making friends was not going to be a piece of cake, but i was not prepared at all for what i was in store for. I suddenly was the most timid person on campus. People here are nice enough and especially during welcome week i was introduced to a lot of people, but something in me completely prevented me from being able to even speak to these people. It really took me off guard, not only the fact that it seemed impossible to make friends of any kind, but also the fact that i was some person i didn't even recognize. I still don't really speak unless spoken to. I am a little better about it these days, but i am realizing i am simply not the person i thought i was. College has been testing me from the drive up here. I have had a rough start with college life, and it goes way deeper than not being able to make any friends. I have been pushed to new limits and reached new levels i never thought i would. I am at the point now where i am trying to figure out what the purpose of all of this is. I know i have been dealing with the stuff i have had to deal with for no reason, God has a plan. He has proven himself faithful to me in one big area! That has been awesome for sure, but what is He teaching me through all of this. I know my struggles are far from gone, i am reminded of that a lot lately, but what is the big picture? That's where i am now, trying to figure out why God has me here. Why am i at OBU? Why has this transition been so hard? Why have i been struggling with what i have been? Why is it not completely gone? Why am i being forced to wait it out? What is God trying to show me through this process? What do i take from this when i come out the other end? I am in an interesting place with these questions right now. I am learning to not be bitter about my experiences because everything truly does work for the greater good. I am learning that even in the darkest things God is glorified. I am learning that these things are part of my testimony, no matter how scary that thought may be. I am learning that God is sufficient. These lessons are hard, and there are a lot of moments in which i wish there was nothing going on in my life... but if it glorifies God in the end then i can be patient and endure... well i pray that i can be :). And so it begins...