Let's Get Real

As most of you already know, I am a huge fan of Jimmy Needham. My excitement has only increased since I went to the concert last week and as I have been listening to the new CD. Anyway, I was reading through his website the other day and noticed a cool section called “behind the music.” Here he talks about the story behind the songs he has written. In the description of the song “Before and After” he referred to a big part of his testimony, and in another part of the website he provided a more in depth look into his past. I will let you go read it for yourself later, but it really got me thinking and so I decided to share what the Lord has laid on my heart through this.

Reading Jimmy’s testimony filled me with joy, even though his past experiences were not exactly joyful. My joy is not in his struggle, but rather in these two things: The way the Lord rescued him from his past and redeemed his soul, and his openness and honesty about where he came from. This post isn’t going to focus on Jimmy directly, but considering that reading about his life started this entire thought process for me, I decided to give a little of the background. I was so excited reading through his account of his past sins and his freedom in Christ. Here is a man who I am a big fan of, who I admire greatly and who is a solid spiritual leader in our world today being completely transparent and real. Wow. It blows my mind and refreshes my soul to see such honesty; especially coming from someone in a position where honesty could be shocking to many. His story and his openness got me thinking about the Church as a whole. I am sure all of what I am about to say has been said many times before, and much more eloquently, but I am going to go for it anyway.

A problem I see among believers today is our utter refusal to be transparent before our Lord and one another. We as a Church (myself most of all) are completely consumed by a need to have it all together all the time. We have become masters at hiding our sin and struggles from everyone around us for fear that we will no longer fit into our image of the put together believer. Our focus and our pursuits are aimed at maintaining an image rather than being bare before our Father. What is wrong with that picture? Is maintaining an ideal really more important to us than maintaining an open and honest relationship with both our Lord and our fellow believers? I fear that this has become the case far too often these days. It breaks my heart that we are a people afraid of transparency. We like to be clean and covered up at all times. The only problem is that this is stunting our growth, spiritually speaking.

I don’t think that we like to get too personal with the topic of sin. We have become really good at acknowledging it as something powerful in our world today and as something that only God can free us from, but we don’t like to relate the topic too much to our individual lives. Or, if we do, we certainly don’t like to share it with anyone else. Somewhere along the way we related a struggle with sin to weakness. Well, what is wrong with that? Where we are weak HE is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9) A struggle with sin has become something that we need to deal with on our own, something we need to keep under control so no one notices, something that shouldn’t be discussed because it might reflect poorly on us. We need to change our attitude! We, the Church, need to stop trying to neaten up the mess in our lives and we need to expose it for what it is. The more we try and cover it up, the darker our sin becomes. We need light. We need freedom. We need Jesus. We can’t conquer sin. We are only human- imperfect and fallen. BUT, sin has been defeated and death has been conquered through our Lord and Savior. We need to rejoice in that, which means acknowledging our sin- naming it and claiming victory in it. Victory is ours and if we would stop trying to put on an act for the rest of the world, we could finally hold fast to that Truth and be transformed forever. So what are we waiting for?

First and foremost, our sin needs to be acknowledged before the Father. This means praying it and naming it. To me, and I imagine to many others, naming our sin can sometimes be terrifying, but I feel as though it is so crucial. It needs to be exposed for exactly what it is. Confession is our first step to freedom from whatever it is that seems to be entangling us. Next, through the Lord’s endless grace, we must repent- turn away- be changed from the inside out. Freedom.

We were not created to be alone in this world. God created Eve so that Adam would not be alone, so that he would have a helper (Genesis 2:18). We know this, so why do we still try and do life on our own? Why do we try and battle our sin on our own? Let’s talk about it. Let’s lean on one another as the body of Christ and do life together. That means all of life, not just the fun stuff. If we are battling sin in our life, we need to talk about it. I am not saying that we need to get on stage and announce to everyone our deep dark secrets, but we need to be real, be transparent, be honest. We as the Church are one. One body and one purpose. Let’s stop going to church on Sunday morning focused on acting like we have it all together if we know we are fighting between our flesh and the Spirit in us. I would rather see a body of broken and contrite people bowing before the Lord, confessing and repenting, than a body of people with a bunch of smiles on our faces. And if through God’s Grace we find that we are not wrestling with a particular sin or temptation in our life, then I pray we have compassion for those that are. If we are in a season where we are not struggling with something particular, we need to be ready to serve our fellow believers as they battle. We need to be accountable and we need to be that accountability for others. We need to pour Truth into them and be prayer warriors for them. We need to walk beside them as the Lord leads them through their struggle. We need to get rid of our judgmental hearts and share their burden. Through God’s grace and mercy we need to fight this together.

This may not mean anything to anyone reading this, but this has just been heavy on my heart. I want to stop acting. I want it to be ok for the body of Christ to admit where we are falling short in our own lives and strive together to claim victory over our sin. What people say or think about us based on our struggle shouldn’t matter. We, as believers, shouldn’t look down on our brothers and sisters based on their sin, because let’s face it, we all have plenty we have tried to hide (Matthew 7:1-3). I respect Jimmy Needham for being so real about sin in his life and I rejoice with him in the freedom and victory he has experienced. I need to work on this in my own life, I will be the first to admit, but let’s start being transparent before our God and before one another.

Preparing for the Unexpected

Summer 2010 has begun and I have this feeling that I am going to have a rather interesting summer ahead of me. I really can't put it into words, all I can say is that I feel like this summer is going to be like nothing I would have expected. There is this part of me that just feels like the Lord is stirring in my heart to prepare me for something. I have no idea what, and I could be way off base, but it is just a feeling I have. I also feel like this summer is going to (hopefully) teach me a lot. Again, I can't really explain the reasoning behind this, all I know is that I feel like there is a lot I need to learn and a lot that He wants to show me through these next few months. I pray that my heart is ready and receptive to whatever He has for me. I just feel like this is going to be the summer of the unexpected. With that I am finding myself spending much time in prayer, working to surrender myself, my plans, my hopes, my fears and my expectations to the Lord. Relinquishing all of this is proving to be a bit of a challenge, but the more time I spend wrestling in prayer, the more I feel the Lord pulling at my heart. Pray with me in this time if you feel led. :)

I have been home for a little over a week now. I started work last Monday and I move into my new house this coming Monday. Needless to say, things have been a tad chaotic, but it's good to home nonetheless. I have really been blessed in my job this summer, but I am learning with each day how important it is going to be for me to continually draw my strength from the Lord and not myself. I can't pour out of myself if I am not being fed by His Word and His Spirit. Anyway, I am excited to serve where I am this summer. There are a lot of changes coming, but it certainly adds a level of excitement I suppose.

I got to see Jimmy Needham in concert on Tuesday. I am sure everyone has heard me talk about this at length already, but it was truly wonderful. If I had to pick a favorite musician, it would be him. So, to have the opportunity to be at his concert and then meet him afterwards was an incredible blessing to me. One thing I loved (other than his music, of course) is how it was all set up. There were a few times he basically started preaching to us. It was pretty legit. It was just obvious that the Lord had placed a lot on his heart for him to share and I don't really know how to explain it, but it just really warmed my heart to hear all the Lord was saying through him. It also completely warmed my heart to hear how he talked about his wife and their marriage. It was encouraging and touching. He also did a little Q&A time, which was basically just fun. He was incredibly nice when we met him, even if he did make fun of me a bit for breaking his cd case ;). All in all it was one of the best nights I have had. Also, if you haven't checked out the new cd, you need to. It is SO good.

College pancake breakfast last night. It was pretty chill and low key, but it got me pumped for this summer. I am excited to be a part of the Thursday night college group. I think it is going to be a really good time of fellowship and study and I can't wait to share it with some of my friends.

Speaking of friends, my best friend comes home next weekend. Thank you, Lord! :) I am so ready to see DG.

The Decision Has Been Made

If you have talked to me at all this past year, you have known that I have really struggled in regards to where I would be going to church. I know what you are thinking, "it's the end of your sophmore year, how have you not found a church home yet?" Well, before you judge me too quickly, hear me out. Almost everyone I know here has struggled to find a church home. There are not a lot of solid options in Shawnee, and driving to the city is not always the most practical option. Anyway, I have gone to church just about every Sunday this year (rare exceptions where I just couldn't get a ride), but every time I would go to Frontline, I just had this uneasiness and uncertainty about the whole. I couldn't really articulate it for the whole year, all I knew was that something wasn't quite right. I tried to talk myself out of my concerns and justify any anxiety I had because I couldn't entirely figure out what was wrong with Frontline. Basically I has just been in a constant state of questioning whether or not this was the church for me. I had also been spending my year in prayer about where in the world I need to be for church. Well, I think I have finally arrived at an answer. Today, my friend Amanda and I went to Heritage Church (here in Shawnee). After we left, we both decided that it was time to leave Frontline and make the move to Heritage!

A bit of background: Heritage was the first church I went to semi consistently while at college. I went most of the first semester my freshman year, and a little bit into my second semester. I think it was around April when we first started going to Frontline. At first I was all on board. It seemed cool and I thought it could be a good move. I came back in August and we kept going and with each week I felt more and more uncomfortable. Amanda and I would talk about it a bit here and there and we recently came to the conclusion that we had similar views on Frontline and both had a desire to go somewhere else. We both really liked Heritage (and weren't exactly sure why we left in the first place), so we decided to branch out and go on our own today. Good decision? absolutely.

So, here is my attempt to break down my reasons for leaving Frontline and choosing Heritage:

Community: This is definitely one of the biggest parts to my decision. You see, Frontline never provided me with a sense of community. It just wasn't really their focus. I guess you could say they were more focused on evangelism rather than discipleship. This isn't to say Frontline is bad for having that focus, but they just weren't as concerned with building us up as a body. There were not a lot of opportunities to get plugged in anywhere and building relationships seemed nearly impossible. Frontline was not a very relational church. Again, I am in no way dissing them as a church... I am just saying, for me, I placed a much more significance in community than I felt I was getting there. Now, Heritage on the other hand, has a huge emphasis on community, and let me tell you, you could feel it the moment you walked in. They place great stock in unity as a body of Christ, with one heart and one purpose. They also have a lot more community opportunities. For example, they have Sunday school. Ha, it is such a simple thing, but still! I would really like that. They have homegroups on Sunday nights. They have a women's bible study on Wednesday night. Basically there are many opportunities for me to plug in and build relationships with other believers. Plus, it is a pretty small church, so that only increases my opportunities. A lot of OBU students also go to Heritage. Pretty cool, eh?

Doctrine: Heritage is a place where I actually feel like I can stand behind their doctrine. This is huge for me, because I was never entirely sure about this when it came to Frontline. When Pastor Josh (the lead pastor) would speak, I felt pretty secure that he was speaking Truth, but he didn't speak every Sunday. The days he didn't speak, I never knew for sure what we were going to get. We had a couple of instances there where we (Amanda and I specifically) left completely freaked out but some things that had been said during the service. I don't have that constant concern at Frontline. It was wonderful to be there today and be at total ease with the message, knowing it was something I could stand behind.

The Pastor: The pastor at Frontline was Josh. I like him a lot and I liked his sermons. He is definitely more of a charismatic speaker than the pastor of Heritage (Jay), but that alone wasn't enough to convince me to stay. I can always listen to Josh's podcasts if I really want to. Jay is an extremely personable guy. He gives very good sermons, even if sometimes he gets off on slight tangents. Ha. I still have no problems following him and I get a lot out of his messages. I feel like Jay is a pastor who I could have a conversation with. That is definitely appealing to me! I don't know, I just really like him. haha.

The LACK of charisma: Frontline is a very, very charismatic church. I am not going to lie, I am not a huge fan of that style. I feel like there is such a fine line that they sometimes would cross. I just never felt particularly comfortable with all of that. Heritage is not a charismatic church. I like it. I don't really know how to articulate this point all that well, so if you want you can just ask me about it and I can try and talk you through my thoughts with this.

Location and Size: Heritage is in Shawnee. Now that is a big deal! Even if Frontline offered a ton of opportunities for community, I couldn't participate because it is simply too far away. Heritage is about 10 minutes from campus. Perfect. I can get plugged in easier with a church in the same city my school is in. Also, I don't have to wake up ridiculously early to get to church. Sweet. As I have pointed out before, Heritage is also pretty small. It is definitely different from Northwest, but I kind of like it. Again, I feel like it only increases the opportunities to build relationships. It also gives me the feeling that this place is much more 'real.' Now, I am NOT saying a big church can't be "real." HNW is a big church, but it is a real church. But, I think the size of Heritage contributes to that overall feeling of the church.

The Shutt Family: Sarah, my dear friend here (it's her kids in the previous blog) and her husband go to Heritage. In fact, her husband has now become the Associate Pastor of the church. I adore them and I trust them so much. To me, it is just further confirmation that I am making the right choice.

I left church this morning with a huge sense of peace. I had been wanting that ALL year, and the fact that I finally got it at Heritage was so exciting. Again, I don't dislike Frontline; it's just not the church for me and I am glad that I can finally say that and finally have a place to plug in to... even if it is a little late in the game. ;)

Again, my thoughts in this blog were so jumbled... so how about we just talk about it in person and I can try and explain myself a little better!