Preparing for the Unexpected

Summer 2010 has begun and I have this feeling that I am going to have a rather interesting summer ahead of me. I really can't put it into words, all I can say is that I feel like this summer is going to be like nothing I would have expected. There is this part of me that just feels like the Lord is stirring in my heart to prepare me for something. I have no idea what, and I could be way off base, but it is just a feeling I have. I also feel like this summer is going to (hopefully) teach me a lot. Again, I can't really explain the reasoning behind this, all I know is that I feel like there is a lot I need to learn and a lot that He wants to show me through these next few months. I pray that my heart is ready and receptive to whatever He has for me. I just feel like this is going to be the summer of the unexpected. With that I am finding myself spending much time in prayer, working to surrender myself, my plans, my hopes, my fears and my expectations to the Lord. Relinquishing all of this is proving to be a bit of a challenge, but the more time I spend wrestling in prayer, the more I feel the Lord pulling at my heart. Pray with me in this time if you feel led. :)

I have been home for a little over a week now. I started work last Monday and I move into my new house this coming Monday. Needless to say, things have been a tad chaotic, but it's good to home nonetheless. I have really been blessed in my job this summer, but I am learning with each day how important it is going to be for me to continually draw my strength from the Lord and not myself. I can't pour out of myself if I am not being fed by His Word and His Spirit. Anyway, I am excited to serve where I am this summer. There are a lot of changes coming, but it certainly adds a level of excitement I suppose.

I got to see Jimmy Needham in concert on Tuesday. I am sure everyone has heard me talk about this at length already, but it was truly wonderful. If I had to pick a favorite musician, it would be him. So, to have the opportunity to be at his concert and then meet him afterwards was an incredible blessing to me. One thing I loved (other than his music, of course) is how it was all set up. There were a few times he basically started preaching to us. It was pretty legit. It was just obvious that the Lord had placed a lot on his heart for him to share and I don't really know how to explain it, but it just really warmed my heart to hear all the Lord was saying through him. It also completely warmed my heart to hear how he talked about his wife and their marriage. It was encouraging and touching. He also did a little Q&A time, which was basically just fun. He was incredibly nice when we met him, even if he did make fun of me a bit for breaking his cd case ;). All in all it was one of the best nights I have had. Also, if you haven't checked out the new cd, you need to. It is SO good.

College pancake breakfast last night. It was pretty chill and low key, but it got me pumped for this summer. I am excited to be a part of the Thursday night college group. I think it is going to be a really good time of fellowship and study and I can't wait to share it with some of my friends.

Speaking of friends, my best friend comes home next weekend. Thank you, Lord! :) I am so ready to see DG.

The Decision Has Been Made

If you have talked to me at all this past year, you have known that I have really struggled in regards to where I would be going to church. I know what you are thinking, "it's the end of your sophmore year, how have you not found a church home yet?" Well, before you judge me too quickly, hear me out. Almost everyone I know here has struggled to find a church home. There are not a lot of solid options in Shawnee, and driving to the city is not always the most practical option. Anyway, I have gone to church just about every Sunday this year (rare exceptions where I just couldn't get a ride), but every time I would go to Frontline, I just had this uneasiness and uncertainty about the whole. I couldn't really articulate it for the whole year, all I knew was that something wasn't quite right. I tried to talk myself out of my concerns and justify any anxiety I had because I couldn't entirely figure out what was wrong with Frontline. Basically I has just been in a constant state of questioning whether or not this was the church for me. I had also been spending my year in prayer about where in the world I need to be for church. Well, I think I have finally arrived at an answer. Today, my friend Amanda and I went to Heritage Church (here in Shawnee). After we left, we both decided that it was time to leave Frontline and make the move to Heritage!

A bit of background: Heritage was the first church I went to semi consistently while at college. I went most of the first semester my freshman year, and a little bit into my second semester. I think it was around April when we first started going to Frontline. At first I was all on board. It seemed cool and I thought it could be a good move. I came back in August and we kept going and with each week I felt more and more uncomfortable. Amanda and I would talk about it a bit here and there and we recently came to the conclusion that we had similar views on Frontline and both had a desire to go somewhere else. We both really liked Heritage (and weren't exactly sure why we left in the first place), so we decided to branch out and go on our own today. Good decision? absolutely.

So, here is my attempt to break down my reasons for leaving Frontline and choosing Heritage:

Community: This is definitely one of the biggest parts to my decision. You see, Frontline never provided me with a sense of community. It just wasn't really their focus. I guess you could say they were more focused on evangelism rather than discipleship. This isn't to say Frontline is bad for having that focus, but they just weren't as concerned with building us up as a body. There were not a lot of opportunities to get plugged in anywhere and building relationships seemed nearly impossible. Frontline was not a very relational church. Again, I am in no way dissing them as a church... I am just saying, for me, I placed a much more significance in community than I felt I was getting there. Now, Heritage on the other hand, has a huge emphasis on community, and let me tell you, you could feel it the moment you walked in. They place great stock in unity as a body of Christ, with one heart and one purpose. They also have a lot more community opportunities. For example, they have Sunday school. Ha, it is such a simple thing, but still! I would really like that. They have homegroups on Sunday nights. They have a women's bible study on Wednesday night. Basically there are many opportunities for me to plug in and build relationships with other believers. Plus, it is a pretty small church, so that only increases my opportunities. A lot of OBU students also go to Heritage. Pretty cool, eh?

Doctrine: Heritage is a place where I actually feel like I can stand behind their doctrine. This is huge for me, because I was never entirely sure about this when it came to Frontline. When Pastor Josh (the lead pastor) would speak, I felt pretty secure that he was speaking Truth, but he didn't speak every Sunday. The days he didn't speak, I never knew for sure what we were going to get. We had a couple of instances there where we (Amanda and I specifically) left completely freaked out but some things that had been said during the service. I don't have that constant concern at Frontline. It was wonderful to be there today and be at total ease with the message, knowing it was something I could stand behind.

The Pastor: The pastor at Frontline was Josh. I like him a lot and I liked his sermons. He is definitely more of a charismatic speaker than the pastor of Heritage (Jay), but that alone wasn't enough to convince me to stay. I can always listen to Josh's podcasts if I really want to. Jay is an extremely personable guy. He gives very good sermons, even if sometimes he gets off on slight tangents. Ha. I still have no problems following him and I get a lot out of his messages. I feel like Jay is a pastor who I could have a conversation with. That is definitely appealing to me! I don't know, I just really like him. haha.

The LACK of charisma: Frontline is a very, very charismatic church. I am not going to lie, I am not a huge fan of that style. I feel like there is such a fine line that they sometimes would cross. I just never felt particularly comfortable with all of that. Heritage is not a charismatic church. I like it. I don't really know how to articulate this point all that well, so if you want you can just ask me about it and I can try and talk you through my thoughts with this.

Location and Size: Heritage is in Shawnee. Now that is a big deal! Even if Frontline offered a ton of opportunities for community, I couldn't participate because it is simply too far away. Heritage is about 10 minutes from campus. Perfect. I can get plugged in easier with a church in the same city my school is in. Also, I don't have to wake up ridiculously early to get to church. Sweet. As I have pointed out before, Heritage is also pretty small. It is definitely different from Northwest, but I kind of like it. Again, I feel like it only increases the opportunities to build relationships. It also gives me the feeling that this place is much more 'real.' Now, I am NOT saying a big church can't be "real." HNW is a big church, but it is a real church. But, I think the size of Heritage contributes to that overall feeling of the church.

The Shutt Family: Sarah, my dear friend here (it's her kids in the previous blog) and her husband go to Heritage. In fact, her husband has now become the Associate Pastor of the church. I adore them and I trust them so much. To me, it is just further confirmation that I am making the right choice.

I left church this morning with a huge sense of peace. I had been wanting that ALL year, and the fact that I finally got it at Heritage was so exciting. Again, I don't dislike Frontline; it's just not the church for me and I am glad that I can finally say that and finally have a place to plug in to... even if it is a little late in the game. ;)

Again, my thoughts in this blog were so jumbled... so how about we just talk about it in person and I can try and explain myself a little better!

Beautiful Day!

Today was so wonderful! The sun was shining and my classes were cancelled. It was basically a recipe for joy. Anyway, I was relatively productive during the morning, then unintentionally napped during the afternoon. Around 3, Sarah called me and asked if I wanted to come over and see her and her new baby, Henry! I was SO excited because I had really been wanting to see him. He will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. It is so crazy! I went over and saw him. He was asleep when I got there, so I just held him for about an hour while Sarah and I got to catch up. It was so wonderful. He is such a good baby! He hardly cries at all. He kind of whines when he needs something, but he doesn't cry much. Sarah also told me that he sleeps a lot and has even slept through the night already, which is pretty impressive. So, I just held him as he slept. He is unbelievably precious. I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. After a while, Sarah and I walked back over to my dorm with Henry and her daughter, Cora. Some of the RA's of my dorm wanted to see him, so we headed over. While I was there, all Cora wanted to do was play with me. So I chased her around my dorm for about an hour. She spun me around in a chair, she wanted to see my room, she wore my purse (which was bigger than her), she took all the magnets off of our fridge and she played on every one of our beds. I had so much fun with her! She takes a while to warm up to people (she is only 3), but she actually likes to see me now. Let me just say, there is nothing like getting the approval of a child! They have this amazing ability to drastically increase your confidence. They can also make you feel so loved and so special. Spending time with Sarah and her kids warmed my heart so much today! Here are some pictures to highlight my beautiful day! Enjoy!

Yahweh Jireh

As you know, this past weekend was Breaking Free:Charade. I am pretty much at a loss for words, but I am going to attempt to post about the weekend. Forgive me in advance if this is really jumbled.

Before this weekend, the Lord had really been working in my own heart. Teaching me and showing me how to trust Him fully, regardless of my circumstances. He had been teaching me what it means to "pray continually." He had been quietly assuring me that He is faithful. So, I went into this weekend with a peace that surpasses all understanding, ready to serve these kids. I really had no idea what was waiting for us all this weekend.

When DG and I made it to the church Friday morning (after having a wonderful trip down from dallas together) we did some work and had some lunch and met the other leaders. It was all pretty chill. Later in the afternoon, James had the leaders participate in the Prayer Labyrinth that the students would be participating in the next day. Most of us didn't finish because we ran out of time, but I enjoyed the parts I got to! One of the first stations involved us writing a name for God in which we have experienced or in which we need to experience. I wrote: Yahweh Jireh- The Lord will Provide. It ended up being really awesome to see it up on stage on Saturday after the high schoolers had written on it. Riley has some pictures if you haven't already checked it out. It overwhelmed me reading through it and just feeling such reverence for the Lord.

I had the 8th grade girls this weekend. A lot of the time I felt like I was talking to a brick wall, which was rather discouraging at times. It was like pulling teeth trying to get these girls to talk to me. All of these girls also come from Christian homes and go to the Christian school that is at the church. So, I found that to be challenging in its own way. The most I could get out of them was "sunday school answers." Getting them to go any deeper was pretty much impossible. However, when I met to James and Ashley Sunday before we left, I felt a bit better about it. They know these girls and know exactly where I was coming from in my discouragement. One thing I can trust in is the fact the regardless of how much they opened up this weekend, the Lord definitely planted seeds in each one of them. I will just continue to pray that it would just "click" for them and God would turn their hearts to focus fully on Him.

One thing that stood out the most to me this weekend was worship on Saturday. Kevin, our speaker, had delivered a really good message. I got a lot out of it and I could tell that the students were as well. After Kevin spoke, some students needed to talk/pray so I went outside with one girl. We got to talk and pray for a while and then we came back in. When I walked into that room, I just had to stop for a minute. I was so completely overwhelmed by the presence of the Lord in that room. I looked around and I saw broken hearts and students crying out to the Lord. It brought tears to my eyes. I walked to the back of the room and all I could do was fall on my knees before the Lord. I found that each song the band played was exactly what I wanted/needed to pray. It was wonderful. I was just in such awe and completely overwhelmed with the the presence of the Lord in that room. God was moving mightily in there. Praise Him!

Sunday morning, some of the high school students led worship. After witnessing that, I was reminded how grateful I was for our band that came this weekend! They lead with such humility. I forgot how important that was, until I saw what it could be like without it. ha. But seriously, Molly, Katie, Nathan, Trey, Zach and Riley were SUCH a blessing this weekend. Forget the fact that they sounded wonderful (as they always do), but they truly came to serve, and it warmed by heart to see. Anyway, I loved having them there. On a selfish note, I was also really glad to hang out with them a little bit and have fun.

Sunday, a bunch of students also came up and shared a little bit of their testimonies from this weekend. It touched me SO much. I got to here from a couple of kids who had been saved! Praise God! It was beautiful! Goodness. I also got to here from kids who finally realized all that God has in store for them and their hearts were changed. We also got to here from a mini John Piper! This kid was legit. Anyway, it was incredible to here all that the Lord had done in those 2 days.

Anyway, there is so much more I could say, but my thoughts are way to jumbled. Basically, God is GOOD and so Faithful! This weekend also provided some great affirmation in my life. This year has been an incredible year of growth and learning for me! I am also learning so much about the power of prayer! It is wonderful. I feel like I am a totally different person and I couldn't be more grateful for the Lord relentlessly pursuing me and breaking my heart. Gosh. I am just speechless for all He has and continues to do!

Breaking Free!

First off, I had a great birthday! It was definitely different, and it didn't feel like a birthday by any means, but it was good. God really provided some really wonderful people in my life to help make this day special. I am so blessed in that. Special thanks to:

1. Danielle Weghorst, my best friend. There are no words.

2. Casie Trotter, my precious roommate. She gave me a wonderful gift and she's been so encouraging to me.

3. Lauren Loughridge, my other dear roommate. I loved getting to share our birthdays in the same week. She is such a blessing!

4. Amanda Layman and Kacie Jo for sharing a birthday meal with me.

5. Zachary, Trey and DG for their prayers over me.

6. Molly Roberts for finding the time to call me and tell me happy birthday.

I have completely avoided studying all day. I need to get on that so I don't bomb my test tomorrow! yikes!

I am SO excited for this weekend! I am ready to see God move in the lives of these students and really change hearts, including my own. I can't wait to meet these girls and really pour into them and share the wonder of God's love with them. It will be awesome!

In preparation for this weekend, I will be taking part in a media fast all day Thursday. Only Christian music. No TV. No movies. No FB. No Twitter. No blogging. Only using my phone for important communication (ie, when I am traveling and need to keep my family updated). Let's all be praying for this weekend! God is mighty to save! :)

Can you believe it?!

Tomorrow I say goodbye to my teenage years. It is a little surreal, especially because it doesn't feel like my birthday at all! It's been quite the journey so far, I must say. I have no real complaints about my life up until this point, but I am so ready to be a "young adult." I am over being a teenager. I feel so much older than 19, so it will be nice to actually BE older than 19.

Adulthood brings a lot of responsibility with it! Kind of terrifying. Haha. But bring it on I suppose.

Mostly I am excited about flying to Dallas on Thursday and heading to Houston. This weekend will be good! I am excited to see the Lord at work in the lives of these students, as well as the leaders and band. Plus, it is just an added bonus that I get to be with DG on her 20th birthday. Such a blessing.

If you think about it, keep praying for my dad and stepmom. It turns out the moving van will be in Boston on Saturday and they will be Texas bound. Things just seem to keep getting worse and problem after problem keeps appearing. It is just an incredibly stressful and overwhelming experience for all involved right now. Pray for job opportunities and pray for peace. God is faithful. He is good.

I think I have a problem.

I am pretty much only attracted to guys that look like total tools. seriously. It is totally ridiculous. I don't know what it is. This is a concerning issue.

But hey, admitting you have a problem is the first step, right? ;)