Come Awake

I can't stop listening to this song. 

Are we left here on our own?

Can you feel when your last breath is gone?

Night is weighing heavy now.

Be quiet and wait for a voice that will say,

Come awake

From sleep, arise.

You were dead,

You've come alive.

Wake up, wake up

Open your eyes

Climb from your grave

Into the light

Bring us back to life.

You are not the only one

Who feels like the only one.

Night soon will be lifted friend.

Just be quiet and wait for the voice that will say...

Come awake

From sleep, arise.

You were dead,

You've come alive.

Wake up, wake up.

Open your eyes

Climb from your grave

Into the light. 

Bring us back to life.

Rise, rise, rise, rise, rise

Rise, rise, rise, rise...

Shine, shine, Oh Shine

We will shine

We will rise

We will shine, shine, shine

Come awake by David Crowder

Forgiveness

is not something that has been coming to me easily lately. As I lay awake, unable to quiet all the thoughts in my head, I decided to seek Truth on the issue of forgiveness. I decided I can't just sit and wait for the pain to go away. I can't just sit and wait to suddenly be ok with everything that has happened. It doesn't work that way. Forgiveness is hard, but it shouldn't be so hard. This is what I have found as I decided to get off my butt and learn about the thing I am being called to do.

In Matthew 18: 21-22 Jesus speaks very clearly on the issue of forgiveness. 

"Then Peter came to him and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?' 'No, not seven times,' Jesus replied, 'but seventy times seven!'

When I read this, it all sounds good in theory. When I have to apply this, I tend to struggle... a lot! However, Christ is very clear in his expectations. I think it is so hard for me to grasp because I am so tired of getting hurt. I feel that every time I forgive, I give permission for a person to hurt me all over again. This only leads to deep bitterness. That is a scary place.

Who are we not to forgive one another? Did God not forgive us far more than seventy-seven times? The bible is also very clear in this issue. Matthew 6: 14-15 says this...

"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." 

So you see, forgiveness is not just a nice suggestion. Forgiveness is a demand because we have been forgive ourselves. You see, as Christians, forgiveness is required of us. And it should be! I think about all the bad in my life... and there is a lot... and I can't bear the thought that God has to bear witness to all of my sin, every moment of every day. I break His heart repeatedly. I fail more than I would ever want to admit. I complain about being hurt by others... but I have broken God's heart. I have done so much in my life, and I will continue to fail as long as I live on this earth... but I am forgiven. I am talking 100% forgiven. It can't be taken away from me. Christ gave his own life that I may be forgiven! I can't comprehend it, but it happened. So, again I ask myself... who am I to not forgive another? 

Of course, forgiveness is very hard for me. I struggle with it. I find that the longer I hold off on fully forgiving others, the deeper it goes. I find myself growing, not in my walk, but in my bitterness. What an awful thing to be filled with. I think many believers find themselves in the same position after they have been hurt. It is certainly very easy to fall into. So, how does one overcome bitterness, allowing them to truly forgive? It is actually rather simple...

Matthew 5:44

"But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!"

Simple! Pray for those who hurt you. I have been told by more than one person that prayer is the best way to overcome bitterness. It is hard to have bitterness toward someone you are praying for. This is still a hard lesson to learn, and one I am having to remind myself of constantly, but I am beginning to understand the process of forgiveness. This has lead me to become increasingly grateful for all of the forgiveness I have already received!! What a beautiful thing. 

I am NOT complicated.

This may sound like an odd statement, but I am sticking with it. I am not all that complicated. I love with all that is in me, and I desire to feel love in return. I love to give, whether of myself or gifts. I love to listen and be available. I find such satisfaction in feeling important and significant. I want to be wanted. I like to feel as though I have value. I am unashamed to tell you how much I love you, or how great I think you are. I may feel things deeper than some, but I don't think that makes me complicated. It makes me more sensitive, sure, but not complicated.I invest a lot into others, and I like to be invested into. I stress, I worry and I fear, but I am working on it. I trust far to easily, and I get hurt plenty along the way, but I am not giving up. I fight for what I love. I love for people to trust me. I make plans and think about my future. I daydream a lot. I hope for the best, and I fear disappointment. I have high expectations, which can be both good and bad. I have passions. I have pleasures. I have pain. I have sorrow. I get excited, and I show it. I am open with my emotions, but I am not always open with why, but ask me and I'll tell you... simple as that. Tell me I matter on occasion, and I am satisfied. I am not nearly as needy as most people think, but I do need the affirmation at times. I am not confident. I am insecure. I question things. I am hesitant with people and situations that are unfamiliar. I expect honesty and I don't like games. I have my fair share of issues, but who says I can't overcome them? I grow. I learn. I am challenged. I am knocked down. All of this is part of this life I have chosen to lead. I am happy some days. I have faced sorrow other days. God is there regardless. I want you to pursue me to some degree. I want you to care, and even if it is in a unique and unconventional way, show it. I don't need all my problems fixed, but I will probably need a listening ear. I like to have fun. I like to enjoy myself. I like to be silly. I hate to fail, so I often don't try things. I commit wholeheartedly to things once I am in. Whether this is people or an activity, I say 'Do it or don't.' I wish things were easier a lot of the time. I like to think about ideal situations, but don't be fooled, I am not naive. I want to stay young. I want better things than what I have had thus far. I want to fall in love. I want to get married. I want to have a family of my own. It is hard for me to hope sometimes. Faith does not come easily to me, so I pray for it. I want you to take the time to get to know me, because I love getting to know you! I want to be a faithful friend. I want to be a faithful servant. I want to be better than what I am.

So you see, I am not that complicated! I am just an imperfect person, living in an imperfect world, trying to live for a perfect God.

Scrubs Day

I must say that I can be pretty brilliant at times.

You see, I made me and DG shirts that say Turk and JD. They are awesome. I mailed them to her with the rest of her Christmas gifts. It was awesome. Then, after the coolest friend in the world came with my grandparents to pick me up from the airport ;)... we decided to have Scrubs Day. I bought season two of Scrubs with some money I got for Christmas... and DG bought me season seven! Amazing, I think yes. So today, on our first full day of reunitedness, we have decided to devote our day to the joys of Scrubs. This includes the following...

1. Wearing our matching turk and JD shirts, and taking a lot of pictures

2. Watching season two... including deleted scenes and out-takes

3. Eating... :)

4. A LOT of laughter and pointless conversation

5. More eating

I must say, I am brilliant. I am so glad I thought of Scrubs day.

Later this week we are also having first annual steak night.

It is a beautiful thing to have a BFFAE. :)

I love ya, tomorrow!

Ah, so tomorrow is the day! The day I have been waiting for for what feels like forever. I started getting sick towards the end of May... so this has been a long journey. I am so ready to get this dang gallbladder out of me! People ask if I am nervous, but its actually quite the opposite. I am giddy with anticipation! I can't help but wonder what it is going to feel like to not be sick anymore. I have grown, begrudgingly so, accustomed to the pain and constant nausea. However, I will not miss it for one minute. To me, surgery is cool. I am simply fascinated by the whole process. I am really hope to get some pictures, or better yet, a video of the surgery. It is not gross... it is educational! I am a nursing student after all. ;). We will see if I get that or not. This is also not my first surgery, and for some reason, I doubt it will be my last. There is no sense in worrying. Whatever happens happens. And there is such a small chance anything would go wrong, why worry? The day will play out something like this...

1. Wake up

2. Put on sweats and my glasses- no jewelry, including my nose ring :/

3. Be at the hospital at 11:30

4. Fill out more paperwork

5. Wait

6. Go in for pre-op: this will include a urine sample :/ ha, blood drawn, iron test and finally an IV

7. Wait some more

8. Meet my anestesiaologist who will explain to me the medication I will be given: something to put me to sleep, duh, and something for nausea!

9. Head to the OR

10. At this point the surgery will take place. It is a fairly simple procedure and they are doing it laproscopically, which significantly decreases my recovery time!

11. Wake up and feel like crap

12. Spend a few hours in recovery (hopefully I won't need to stay overnight!) 

13. Head home and sleep. I will not be getting any pain killers so I hope sleep comes easy!

I am excited for tomorrow! I will keep everyone posted on how I am feeling afterward. Prayers are always appreciated

A Tribute...

...To the football players I adore. This is my top ten list and they each are special to me for there own reasons... 

David Carr: This man will always hold a special place in my heart. 

He is one of the most gorgeous human beings I have ever laid my

eyes on. He may not be the greatest quarterback out there, but

he loved by me. Don't argue this one with me, I know all the 

stats on him, but it won't change how I feel about this man!

Drew Brees: Love of my life. He has been the greatest thing to 

happen to my Saints in a very, very long time. He is beautiful. 

I love this man so much! He also happens to be the leading

passer in the NFL at this point. He was released from San

Diego a few years back after a shoulder injury and the Saints

were quite smart to snatch him up while they had the chance.

He is one of the best players I have seen in a long time. His 

team just happens to struggle.

Peyton Manning: Me and Danielle used to 

always argue over him. Granted, he may not

be the most attractive man in the world, but

who cares. He has that good old southern 

charm and a genuineness to him that I 

absolutely adore. Not to mention, he is an

incredible player. After his surgery, then 

post-op infection, he has had a rough season,

but he is still one of the elite. 
Brett Favre: Say what you will about all the hoop-la that took place this summer

between the Packers and the Jets, there is no denying the greatness that is #4.

Good old Mississippi boy made it big in the pros. After a shaky start in Atlanta, 

Brett headed to Greenbay and did more than flourish. I could list all his records,

but I won't because the list is too long. Although he is wearing a different green

these days, Brett still goes down in history as one of the best to ever play the game.
Eli Manning: This is one guy that is no longer

living in the shadow. With Peyton as an older

brother things must have been tough. There

have always been such high expectations on 

Eli since he entered the NFL. After getting 

off to a rough start, Eli shone last season. He

lead his team to a superbowl win over the 

undefeated Patriots. He came out big when it

mattered most. He has continued to lead his 

team to victory during the 2008 season. 

Although he is hard to understand when he 

speaks, I think it's safe to say Eli is earning

respect in the NFL world. 

Reggie Bush: What is not to love? Sure he came from 

USC, but we have forgiven him. Reggie was a big 

draft for the Saints. He came out and showed that

he could be a multi-purpose back, having more

receiving yards than rushing. The combo of Deuce

and Reggie has proven to be an effective on. Although

he has been battling a knee injury, he has been a 

huge contributor to the Saints. And he is not too 

bad to look at either ;)
Adrian Peterson: He was hands down, the steal of the draft.

Going number 7 to the Minnesota Vikings, I feel that he flew

under the radar in a lot of ways. Adrian broke countless rookie

records and has seemingly been able to avoid the "sophmore

slump" that man star athletes fall into. Adrian could potentially

be in the hall of fame one day. He rocks! 
Deuce McAllister: He is the power rusher

for the Saints. Deuce has been playing with

my team for many years now. He is one of

my all time favorite players. It is hard to 

put my finger on it, because he is not all 

glitz and glamour and fancy moves like his

counterpart Reggie Bush, but he has something

special. Deuce has the ability and strength 

to push through a line and make what would

be a 3 yard gain into a 10 yard gain. He has 

been plagued with knee injuries, but he is 

a key player to the Saints offense.
Chad Johnson (Ocho Cinco): This man is the epitome of arrogance

but for some reason I couldn't leave him off the list. He is 

ridiculous in every sense of the word. For a while it was valid

because he was a great receiver, but he has not been so hot

lately. However, his skill level is not what landed him on my 

list. Rather, it is all his crazy antics. For a long time it was hard

to turn on the TV without seeing him in some crazy costume

or doing quite the touchdown dance. Ocho Cinco is now his legal

name. It is absurd, but it has its amusing factor. He is always

entertaining, and I can't help but enjoy it. 
Archie Manning: I couldn't leave this man off of my list. He is

the father of two other players I have on here, so how could 

he not make the list? Archie Manning was who my dad grew 

up watching when he lived in New Orleans. Archie was the 

only good thing to have happened to the poor Saints in years.

In fact, the Saints might have very well been what prevented 

his career from going further, but nonetheless, I gotta love the

man. He remains a devoted dad as he watches his two sons

reach such monumental success in the sports world.

So here is to you, football players I adore. Thank you for years of enjoyment and fun. 

**I told Danielle I would mention her in my blog. So here I go....

Thank you Danielle Nicole Weghorst for being my BFFAE. You are truly wonderful and I love you very much. I am glad we have been friends for nearly 12 years now. It is a fun journey and I am glad it is not ending anytime soon. You are cool. So cool in fact, you are the Turk to my JD. Oh and thank you for agreeing to give the eulogy at my funeral ;). ha. I love you best friend. I can't wait to see you and I will really really miss you on Christmas Eve this year... but I'll be there in spirit. 

Next Semester

Monday: 8:00-8:50: Spanish II

9:00-9:50: U.S. History

Tuesday: 9:30-10:45: English

11:00-12:15: Anatomy

2:00-3:15: College Algebra

Wednesday: 8:00-8:50: Spanish II

       9:00-9:50: U.S. History

       2:00-5:00: Anatomy Lab

Thursday: 9:30-10:45: English

  11:00-12:15: Anatomy

   2:00-3:15: College Algebra

Friday: 8:00-8:50: Spanish II

      9:00-9:50: U.S. History

So, there it is! Should be interesting. The cool part is that we have our cadaver lab in anatomy! SWEET!